There is a recent article in the Essence magazine that a number of women have called and e-mailed me about. A young brother of 25 writes of his relationship with a much older woman 41. My first surprise was that the age difference was not the issue – the issue was that the brother is willingly participating in a consensual celibate relationship. For my brothers and sisters unaware of the meaning of the word celibacy – it means they have decided not to screw, f*ck, make love, have sex or knock the boots. His woman had laid down the law that she won’t have sex with him or anyone else until they are married.

He goes on to talk about how the relationship is so much deeper because he’s had to learn to control himself. The act of celibacy has forced him to learn how to express himself in ways other than intercourse. He has no pressure to perform and she has taught him to be a lover through full body massages and cuddling.

In my world this brother’s got problems galore!

First of all has he ever stopped to calculate how much more fun this woman has had in the extra 16 years she’s had on him. She was in high school getting her freak on when his mother was in labor, bring his easily manipulated butt into this world.

And yes, I did say he was on the easy to manipulate side of the fence.

How does he know this woman isn’t practicing celibacy for the pure reason she just doesn’t like sex? Wouldn’t you like to be a bug on the honeymoon suite wall on consummation night when he finds her dry, uncomfortable and very uninterested in the act of making love.

How happy will he be, married and horny, as she tells him the real reason behind her celibacy – I’ve never really liked sex!

OK. Maybe I am exaggerating this a little but some or all of this could be true. Ask yourself how many times you’ve gotten out of bed with a potential perfect partner to realize the sex was simply a nightmare. One incident of this magnitude is more than enough reason to justify "testing the product before you buy it for a lifetime." The Number 1 reason why most relationships end today is because of sex, not money.

In this fake God fearing society we try to act like sex is not that important, but lets be real here. What’s the most exhilarating, passionate, intense legal act you can do with your clothes on or off?

If you didn’t say make love, fuck, screw, or knocking the boots you need a new lover or a new therapist. I’ll never forget an incident in high school that to this day still freaks me out when I think about it. There were these two older guys in the back of the public bus talking about getting high. One guy states rather boldly that he would rather smoke a joint than make love to a beautiful and passionate woman. We all looked at him like he was crazy – even though most of us had never even had sex before! But we knew that nothing was better than sex!

Another problem with loving and committing without testing the product is the fact that the product is going to mutate anyway. Being sexually compatible is an ever-changing issue for most couples. To start a relationship off with the written in stone proclamation of no sex until wedding bells is ludicrous. People change. Men as well as woman. Today your girlfriend may want to sex you up twice a day, try almost anything in the world the both of you can conjure up. But after the wedding is over and she’s dropped a couple of bundles of joy, the last thing she may want from you after a hard day is your persistent meddling for sex. Number one reason why men stray from home after they get married is because for whatever reason – Wifey Poo has shut down the tunnel of joy! So I believe you should enjoy the fruits of your labor now…. Time may be short!

So for my Brother who’s being lead down the road of celibacy…… SET YOURSELF FREE!!! And enjoy the fruits of your labor!